You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
