So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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