So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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