I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
