Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
