so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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