A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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