On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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