You just made me feel so damn special
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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