community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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