wakey wakey hands off snakey
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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