He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
