omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
