dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Randomize
