So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
