I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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