how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
