Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
