her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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