Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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