u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
