Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
