he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
