In America we eat man semen.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my shit smells like andre
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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