So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize