im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
