I must be too annoying 4 u.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
