We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
