Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
