I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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