So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
