dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
