I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
