I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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