This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
