Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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