I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize