ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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