my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
