lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
