sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
