Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
