why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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