I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
