shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
