I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
