I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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