38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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