he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
