Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
