Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
