did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
