You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
