Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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