He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
