two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
