One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you didnt know i had herpes?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize