I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have fence marks all over my body
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
