so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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