Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
