Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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