i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
