i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
