Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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