I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
