You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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