You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I forget how to act sober
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
