Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
