Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
