So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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