i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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