I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
